Birth Doula Support for Pregnancies after Infertility, Loss, or Complexities
For those of you who already know me well, the following announcement won’t really come as a surprise. Since I started my career as a doula just a few short months ago, I knew that I would eventually specialize my services to address a specific population of birthing people that are very near and dear to my heart. Like many doulas at the start of their careers, I was hesitant to ‘niche down’ too early – fearful that I might be missing opportunities to connect with clients outside of my niche who would undoubtedly be wonderful to support. But after a summer of careful reflection, I’ve decided to start being much more intentional and focused on the type of doula support that I provide, and I’d love to use this blog post as an opportunity to tell you all why.
Beltane Birth Doula Services is officially shifting to focus on doula support for families going through pregnancy and birth after experiencing infertility, infant or pregnancy loss, or other medical complexities (such as ‘high risk’ pregnancies, previous birth trauma, or medical anxiety). We will continue to provide emotional and informational support to people currently on their fertility journeys and we will also continue to provide some postpartum support. While generalist doulas (who practice with anyone who feels like a good fit) are incredible supports and often do provide high-level support to families in exactly these kinds of situations, I do believe that there are some advantages to having access to a doula who specializes in this area and hope that focusing my work and continuing education in this area allows me to provide really top-tier level support to people who might need something a little different.
As a loss mom myself who subsequently experienced secondary infertility and as someone who navigates life with a medical condition, I have a deep, embodied sense of how challenging it can be to navigate big moments in our lives when we have a little extra going on. Even with some extra layers of challenge, you still deserve to go through your pregnancy feeling as supported and empowered as possible. You deserve the kind of care that can meet you in whatever you are feeling (even if it feels like it changes by the hour), support you when things are harder than you’d like (I’ve been there), and celebrate every win along the way. If you are navigating a pregnancy after experiencing challenges like infertility, pregnancy loss, birth trauma, medical anxiety, or are having a ‘high risk’ pregnancy, I’d love to be the doula for you. Let’s talk about how I do things differently.
Pregnancy following Infertility
In Canada, infertility is typically defined as inability to get or stay pregnant after 1 year of trying to conceive. At Beltane Birth Doula Services, we use a broader understanding of infertility in our work with people currently on a fertility journey and pregnant after experiencing fertility challenges. We recognize that even if someone has been trying to conceive for less than one year, they may feel like the journey to conception has been especially difficult for them. Everyone’s situation is unique, and people may encounter struggles – whether due to existing health diagnoses, previous trauma, or other situations – at any stage in their journey. Likewise, becoming pregnant after encountering difficulty during the preconception period can bring with it a range of complex emotions and everyone’s experience of this time is different. For many, becoming pregnant after difficulty conceiving can be disorienting or perhaps not truly feel real. Fertility struggles can impact how someone feels about their body in very significant ways, so they may not be able to feel like they can trust their body to support a healthy pregnancy and birth. These feelings are valid and it’s important to make space for them while also creating room for hope and possibility.
As a doula who supports people pregnant after experiencing fertility challenges, I’m always going to come to our meetings with an open heart and lots of space for whatever is coming up for you. I’m here to listen to your doubts, fears, hopes, and plans. I am here to point out everything that already is going right, which can be sometimes hard to see when you’re so used to things going ‘wrong’ but also to validate your feelings whatever they may be. As someone who is a trained fertility support practitioner, I also have in depth knowledge about the menstrual cycle, fertility treatments, and more, which means that I already have a rich background knowledge to help me understand how all your experiences leading to your pregnancy might be shaping your journey now.
Pregnancy following Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Pregnancy loss can occur at any stage in someone’s pregnancy when the baby being carried has died and needs to be born. Before 20 weeks gestation, pregnancy losses are often called miscarriages. After 20 weeks gestation, pregnancy losses are called stillbirths. Infant loss occurs when a baby has been born living but has died. There are many different reasons why someone might be experiencing pregnancy or infant loss. Sometimes, people are made aware that a loss will happen before a death occurs – such as through an ultrasound that discovers that a baby is sick and will not survive. In some cases, pregnancies will be terminated for medical reasons, leading to the loss. Sometimes, people only find out about a death when it happens or after it has already happened. Pregnancy and infant loss can be heartbreaking experiences, regardless of when the loss happens. People need support both during and after their loss. And for those who find themselves pregnant again after experiencing a loss in a previous pregnancy, it’s not unusual to carry that heartache, anxiety, and fear into that journey as well.
As a doula who supports families through loss and in pregnancies after loss, I understand just how anxious and challenging these pregnancies can be. It can often feel like a battle between hope and love on the one hand and fear of a subsequent loss on the other. Depending on the circumstances of the loss, people may also be grappling with medical trauma. My job as a doula is to help you to develop coping tools for when you need them the most, connect you to appropriate resources to minimize the isolation you might be feeling, and be a sounding board for you no matter what you’re thinking and feeling. I am someone who can listen to the details of what happened to you before and help you make sense of your options for what you do next. I also can help remind you that it’s okay to have hope and to help find ways to bring joy into your pregnancy in whatever ways feel safe for you. We can hold space for the messiness together as we plan for the arrival of another baby, while always remembering and honouring the baby you lost.
Supporting ‘Complex’ Pregnancies
‘Complex’ pregnancy – for lack of a better term (I’m happy to accept any suggestions here) – describes a pregnancy that comes with additional challenges other than the ones described above. Many pregnancies will be labelled as ‘high risk’ by medical providers, though certainly the level of risk for people given this category can vary considerably. Pregnancies might also be ‘complex’ because of previous medical trauma (related to reproductive health or not) or pre-existing health conditions that change the way that pregnant folks navigate the health care system. In these pregnancies, people might find that they need more support from their doula as they manage extra medical appointments, medical anxiety, and may require more support around advocacy. Sometimes during ‘complex’ pregnancies, medical providers who are trying to be supportive can overstep and leave pregnant folks feeling steamrolled.
As your doula, I always work to acknowledge the way that pregnancy with health conditions may need to be managed differently while also making lots of room to think about your choices and preferences. As a former nurse, I have a thorough understanding of anatomy, physiology, and illness pathology. Even if I am not familiar with your particular health condition or experience, my prior medical knowledge makes it much easier to learn about the challenges you might be navigating, and my understanding of medical culture provides me with helpful tools to help you communicate effectively with your providers. Even if you require additional medical support to safely manage your pregnancy, you still deserve to have a birth experience that feels meaningful, empowering, and puts the magic of you bringing your baby into the world right at the centre of your plans and preparations.
Pregnancies following infertility, loss, or other medical complexities hit differently. Birthing parents may struggle to navigate the tensions between the intense medicalization that often happens in these pregnancies with the natural and understandable desire to have an experience that honours how important and powerful it is to bring a new life into the world. Sometimes, additional medical oversight is necessary to keep babies and birthing parents safe. And sometimes, medical providers overstep and can take away from the magic and joy of this special time. Parents may feel like they really want extra medical support to reassure them that things are going to be okay, whereas others feel hesitant or fearful of interacting with the medical system that has harmed them before. Some parents feel both of those ways at the same time! As a specialist doula, holding all these things together – even when it’s messy and complicated – is my superpower. And I’d love to use that superpower to help you have a birthing experience that lifts you up, nourishes your heart, and honours the beauty of your family however it came to be.
To learn more about our birth doula support, click here: https://www.beltanebirth.ca/birth-doula-support
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